How to Be Sue Sylvester for Halloween

Disclaimer: In no way am I Sue Sylvester or Jane Lynch and in no way do I own Glee or am I Glee's fashion stylist.

And honestly, I'm glad I'm not.

I like Glee, but it's not one of my favourite shows. I'll watch it if it's on and I watch it with my sister every Tuesday, but if I ended, I wouldn't care. I would move on and only listen to the songs occasionally, because let's face it, their cover of Toxic was amazing. I DETEST Rachel Berry- she is obnoxious and insanely annoying. I know she's supposed to be annoying and OMG I'M GONNA BE SO SUCCESSFUL AND YOU'RE GONNA BE A DEADBEAT, but holy cow, I just hate her. I'm also not a fan of Finn- he's an idiot and he CANNOT sing. Every time I hear him sing, I cringe. He's got the perfect look for Finn, stupid-looking and easy to fall under peer pressure, but dude, he sings so badly that they should auto-tune him and let another person sing.

My favourite character is Sue Sylvester and I think she's everybody's favourite character. Either that, or Mr. Schue, who to me isn't THAT great. To me, he seems kind of a jerk and he needs to stop pursuing Emma. After all, he did promise Carl that he would back off, but no, he didn't, at all. It's really easy to be Sue Sylvester for Halloween and because Glee is such a popular show, a lot of people will know who you are, especially if you start shouting her hilarious one-liners. Here are a few steps for being Sue Sylvester for Halloween or even all the time, if you really love her that much:

1. Get some temporary blonde dye (if you already have short hair) or get a blonde short wig.

2. Her tracksuits are usually:
black/gold
red/white
blue/light blue
pink/white

And they are all Adidas branded, so if you can get an Adidas brand tracksuit, that would be awesome. But any tracksuit in that colour would work fine.

3. Under her tracksuits are a plain white tank top, because she doesn't zip them all the way up. You can get plain white tank tops everywhere for really cheap and you should even have them in your closet right now. If you don't, your wardrobe must be a mess, no joke.

4. You'll need a whistle to hang around your neck and you can find these at the dollar store (like Dollarama, The Dollar Tree...) and you can randomly blow it and then use your megaphone to shout out a random incredibly popular one-liner. Whistles are amazingly inexpensive, so no worries about this breaking your bank.

5. A megaphone might be one of the expensive pieces of your Halloween costume, other than your Adidas tracksuit. Visit your local Wal-Mart/Target/Superstore (or any other Loblaws store)/SporkChek/other sports stores/Radio Shack/maybe even Futureshop for a megaphone. There are also some on Amazon, so you can get some from there for around $11, which is fairly cheap. A megaphone is something I would not buy for a costume, but hey, there are people out there who buy costumes that they can make for themselves. So, it's not like it's that big of a deal, right?

6. Wear your regular sports sneakers. Ones from Nike, FILA, Puma, Reebok, Adidas, or any other sport brands are great, but you probably have them at home already. Just don't wear any skate shoes or canvas shoes like Converses or those with stupid huge flaps. Those just look ugly and Sue Sylvester would NEVER wear something like that.

7. Get a clipboard from Dollarama or Staples or any other office supply store. I saw a clipboard at Dollarama the other day, so that's a cheap accessory for a Halloween costume. On the clipboard, you can print out a few Sue Sylvester one-liners that you can shout through your megaphone, so you don't actually have to memorize them.

8. Shout a one-liner now and then and if that specific one-liner or particularly rude comment is shouted at a character during the show, shout it at a similar person who has Emma's red hair or is as annoying as Rachel Berry. Here are a few of my favorites but you should definitely compile your own list:

Sue: I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death.

Sue: I'm seriously gonna puke in your mouth.

Sue: I spent large segments of each day picturing you choking on food, and I recently contacted an exotic animal dealer because I had a very satisfying dream that I once shoved your face into one of those pink-inflamed monkey butts.

Sue: I'm gonna make it a habit to not stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time.

Sue: I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby's ass.

Sue: You're just like every teenage girl in America: obsessed with vanity. Before you know it, you'll be leaving baggies of vomit in your parents' closet.

Sue: My parents were famous Nazi hunters, so they weren't around a lot.

Sue: You think this hard. I'm passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!Sue: You think this hard. I'm passing a gallstone as we speak. That is hard!

"I'll often yell at homeless people: 'Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Give not being homeless a try, huh?' "

"I don't trust a man with curly hair. I can't help picturing small birds laying sulfurous eggs in there, and I find it disgusting." *obviously, man could be substituted with guy to make it more high-school friendly*

“I’m going to ask you to smell your armpits. That’s the smell of failure, and it’s stinking up my office.”

"This year, I got myself a bit of an eye-lift. While they were there, I told them to tear out my tear ducts. Wasn't using them."

"All I want is just one day when I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. Seriously, Ohio, these retinas need a day off."

"We're dealing with children. They need to be terrified. It's like mother's milk to them. Without it, their bones won't grow properly."

Well, I hope you were a very successful Sue Sylvester and that you offended many, many people. :D